An Open Letter to Dr. Seuss:

Write more books for me, please.

Keep bangin'
Meg

why i need a new job:

- we still have DSL. seriously. this is not a joke.
- we don't have maternity leave. i don't care about being 100% commission (yes it's stressful, but the risk/reward tends to be worth it). however, i can't imagine being pregnant and not constantly stressing about how we're going to pay our bills while i am recovering. at a time when if we got pregnant it should be an amazing event, any time i have a scare, i go into full blown panic mode. not good.
- it's the "same shit, different day" deal. i come in, deal with nasty emails from candidates and clients alike, pitch jobs, find candidates, either 1. set them up on interviews and go through the process or 2. the manager never calls me back.
- i'm lacking in a future. some people may be okay with being a recruiter for 10, even 5 years...but i am literally AT THE CEILING. this is IT. i'm 25.
- regarding the above bullet, i'm super incredibly bored. no training, no travel, no new projects, no opportunity to get an advanced degree...no new challenges.
- my work/life balance is suffering...i leave at 7:15 - 7:30 a.m., don't get home until at least 6:30 p.m. when i do trudge through the door, i'm exhausted, really don't want to talk (bc i talk all effing day), and still...hmm...filled with anxiety?
- ah yes. anxiety it is. i'm always on edge. this goes back to the 100% commission thing and cannot be avoided which is fine...but i don't know if someone can operate under this level of stress for an extended period of time.
- the only people who can do this for an extended amount of time either have husbands with a hefty base salary or are single. or have rich parents.
- i don't always get paid for my effort. i can work my ass off on a position and literally NOTHING comes of it. no one cares. but i sure as hell have to hit my quota.
- i know you're thinking i'll have assholes/issues whereever i go, and you are correct, but at least i'll still be getting a paycheck. if i work really unbelievably hard and still only bill 145k, you better believe i have to write a 5k check to my company.

Blogging Binges & Twitter

I cannot believe it has been over a month since I have blogged. I have since discovered twitter, which I think may be a way for me to just have a continuous flow of consciousness as opposed to keeping it all inside and then throwing up in my blog.
But, there are just some things that you cannot say when limited to 140 characters. Like the following:
I am experiencing the third (3rd) divorce in the past nine years. The first one was in 1999/2000 - it was my parents, after 18 (ish, maybe 19?) years of marriage. Ho hum. Terrible depression. Hate my life. I now have terrible anger issues and had an attitude problem for a very looooooooooooooong time. Then my senior year in high school, my father remarried. A year and a half later...a terrible thing happened and poof, another divorce. This time just super hella mad. Enter 2006...my mother marries a dude, moves away, and is now getting divorced, for another terrible thing happened.
So here's the thing: I love my husband. Desperately. (Insanely, some may say). I couldn't imagine life without him. When he went down to NC to "watch over" my mom during the very beginning of the divorce last week, I was heartbroken. I couldn't eat. I couldn't sleep. I cried every time I thought of him. November 11th will be out 11th year of being together; November 18th will be our 3rd wedding anniversary. I cherish every moment we have together; whatever problem there is, we stare each other down, we scream, we cry, we carry on until the issue is resolved. Our rule has never, ever go to bed angry with each other. And believe me, we've fought far into the early morning hours.
I'm concerned.
I'm concerned that someday I will be too tired, too numb, to disinterested to fight anymore. We often jokingly say our relationship is a "passionate" one - I know I mean it...we fight, love, fuck each other passionately. I wouldn't have it any other way.
When does it happen to people? When do they decide that what they have isn't worth it anymore? I'm not in a perfect relationship because while my husband is perfect, I'm not, which leads to an inherently flawed partnership. But I try. I try really fucking hard to make sure that what I have invested so much of my time and heart in doesn't fall apart because IT became hard.
If you don't fight for your love, with your love, how the fuck will it ever last.