Williams and Sonoma want you to be fat.

There.
I said it.
May the gods of homegoods forsake me. But they have already forsaken me.
I received the new W and S this weekend, foaming at the mouth for what new, excessive new kitchen gadget I may purchase (or just dream about until I have more money to purchase a parsley de-leafer...no more plucking for me!). I open it up, and all that is there is fucking chocolate. And fucking cakes. For $75.00 mother fucking dollars.
They had a section, albeit small, but still a section, for cheese and tasty savory treats, but WHAM right back to fucking chocolate.
W and S, you should be ashamed of yourself. Maybe I should be ashamed of myself for allowing you to get away with selling me croissants for $80.00 a dozen. Anyway, you are all going to be fat, poor fucks if we allow this to continue.
Just sayin.


p.s. WHY THE FUCK CAN'T I USE AN AMPERSAND IN MY BLOG?

heard in my office...

...President of my company walking by my office saying, "We need to make sure she has a VERY good vacuum cleaner!!"
hahahahahahaha

Guards

Lifeguards. Crossing guards. They are just excuses for people not to be accountable for their own actions.
Want to go in the ocean but can't swim? Get ready to drown.
Want to cross the street? Wait at the stop light to turn red so you can safely cross in the crosswalk.
Or play in traffic.

You would really be making my life so much less annoying (and amusing!) I'll wait.

Boost Mobile is fucking hilarious...

Guilty Pleasures...

#47. Rob Thomas
#48. Rob Zombie

Just sayin'

Seamus took a bath...

And he was really, truly, seriously angry with JR about it. For a dog that sincerely enjoys water, he loathes the idea of getting into the shower. See, we have to put him in the shower, turn on the water, close the glass door, and make him stand there for anywhere between five and 10 minutes in an effort to get him completely soaked, thus making his Oatmeal shampoo as effective as possible. So, I lure him in with "Oh, there's Mommy's sweet handsome Moo..." and then JR jumps behind him and shuts the bathroom door. I scoot out, and that is when the interesting noises commence, and the house shakes. I hear Seamus scrambling around in the bathtub for five to 10 minutes, then the water stops. Then JR start's shouting, "Seamus! Stop! Come on, Moo. Stop!" Five more minutes of this, 10 more minutes of water running. Then, I hear the leap out of the bathtub and the expecting shaking of wet dog. JR starts to towel him down, then there is more, "Seamus! Stop! Come on, Moo. Stop!"
Then I hear, "Mommy, get ready..."
Out comes my Golden Eyed Seamus Lars, his hair still damp, and before I can even get up from the desk chair to start telling him what a handsome, handsome, boy he is, he is sticking is wet snout in my armpit and I turn around and give him some chicken jerky.

It is never sunny in Philadelphia

Seriously, it is pure shit outside. Work has been busy and I have been avoiding working on the house. Tonight we're going out for sushi, and I think JR's sister and boyfriend are coming down for drinks. Tomorrow is a margarita party in DELAWARE!

It's time to

http://www.mp3lyrics.org/BL3E Meet your master. Bow down in position Against the polished steel This is something different You'll like the way this feels No time for asking questions No time for wondering We've heard enough from you now We've heard everything We're going to play a new game You'll put on this blind fold You'll do what we tell you You'll do as your told Used to be the leader Now comes the time to serve Maybe we show some mercy Maybe you get what you deserve Count down to the end Gotta make it come faster, faster Right around the bend Is a coming disaster Count down to the end And We're headed there faster Come on down my friend It's time to meet your master You've left quite a mess here Under your stewardship You thought you'd figured it out but You'll learn your place in this Might take some convincing For you to see the truth There are so many things We've got in store for you Count down to the end Gotta make it come faster, faster Right around the bend Is a coming disaster Count down to the end And We're headed there faster Come on down my friend It's time to meet your master

Hey bitches!

Hey whaaaat?
Happy September btw...
Work is going well - in commission dollars so ching ching.
Labor Day weekend was unreal - I am:
1. Lucky to be alive
2. Late for confession
3. Now addicted to Cafe Patron tequila. Yeesh.

One of my favorite people is actually leaving our company so I am very sad. She is moving to eastern shore of DE and since I am probably not allowed back into that state, who knows when I will see her when she is gone? Beers and burgers to send her off on Friday, though.

New assistant starting this coming Monday - fingers crossed!

This weekend was reconnect with JR weekend and BOY DID WE! AWESOME!! I AM GOING HOME TO DO MORE RECONNECTING! :-D

Tonight...

I am going to go to the eye doctor, get a bottle of wine, eat a bowl of pasta, and watch Law & Order. Doesn't that sound swell?

Work has been...hmm...awkward. The President of my company is giving me the cold shoulder since I began a revolution in my office for more money. The Partner of my company is making a concerted effort to make me feel wanted and valued, so I am doing my best to stick it out for her. We'll see.

This weekend, we are going to a Mennonite wedding. Don't know what that is? Think Amish, but a bit more modern. There will be no drinking or dancing, so I am a tad concerned about how I will make friends, considering I typically loosen up when I am 1. Dancing and 2. Drinking. Again, we'll see.
Sunday is my mother-in-law's birthday, so me, the man, my sister-in-law, her man, mother-in-law, and father-in-law wait, just got off the phone, now grandparent's-in-law are coming too which means we probably have to reassess where we are going. Damn. I really wanted to go to Vietnam in the city. :-(

Did you know...

That Snuffleupagus was invisible to everyone except Big Bird?



I didn't!

And his first name was Aloysious?

Go fucking figure!

Live was so awesome AHHHHHHHHHHH

Really. Fantastic.
JR and I had an absolutely BALL drinking at Finnigan's then going to Festival Pier to see the show. Blues Traveler was incredible (+John Popper smoking a bowl on stage), Collective Soul was the fantastic rock star group, and Live was...well...LIVE. One hour, 45 minute long orgasm. Really truly great. Kind of wished they didn't close with Lightening Crashes...heard a rumor that they had been closing with White Discussion and that would have been saaaweeeet.
Saturday, JR and I tidied up the yard - he mowed the lawn, I weeded and let me tell you, an hour and half of work made quite the different. My friend came down from Jersey City for dinner and it was so much fun - three and a half bottles of wine later - we were hysterical on the couch! Such a nice time and so wonderful to catch up.
Sunday was super chill...started really nice...thought maybe I would lay out, JR was changing the oil on the cars so I grabbed a beach chair, put Seamus on the lead and hung out with him while listening to the new Disturbed album (Indestructible...quite kick ass...think I'll put it on again...already listened to it but hey, told you it was great). We're hanging out, and the sky to the west starts turning black. The sky in the east was this gorgeous blue/gold color. We start hearing faint rumblings, initially thinking it may be trucks or something - nope...THUNDER. I take Moo inside because if it began to downpour, there would be no way to avoid wet smelly dog in the house.
I go inside and check the weather station because JR said a huge system was coming - turn it on and there is literally one green speck over DELAWARE. I'm like...wtf? The radar shifts and this itty bitty green speck becomes a massive red/dark purple mass covering Philadelphia and south NJ. It howled all day - we lost power a few times but really just enjoyed each other's company while watching Lost and Shaun of the Dead. I <3 Sundays.

GEEZ

I am being stalked by candidates - what part of, "I will call you if the manager would like to see you" do you not fucking understand? EFF.
This weekend was spent in the outdoors YET AGAIN. I am not going to be doing anything with nature for the remainder of the year. Tonight we are going to Chima, a Brazilian steakhouse in Philadelphia, with some friends. I am looking forward to it - we haven't seen these particular people in a few months, and they are just so GOSHDARM wholesome that it is refreshing.
Wow just had ADD. It is now 1/2 hour later and I am eating a Lean Cuisine which is...well...okay. I've had better, but since I am having so much meat (quite you) tonight, I'm having the vegetarian rice and beans mexican dish.

So, what's new?

Nothing much...just chilling. Had a freaking CRAZY 4th of July weekend - got drunk Friday, got REALLY drunk Saturday, got a new tattoo on Sunday. Work has been busy - have I mentioned an Acct Exec left so I got stuck with all of the accounts that WEREN'T making money? Gr-reeeeeaaa-t. The two money makers went to a senior recruiter (who is already over quota, beeteedubs) and the President of the company. Cute.
Anywho. I think I'll stick it out for the remainder of the year - I am so close to my quota, I'd be like pissing money away. A few chunks of commission, something nice for myself, and then I'll move on. Found a CRAZY tick on Seamus' neck this morning - it was effing huge; JR got it off though.

I barely survived.

Went camping and MY GOD was that an atrocious experience. It was 1,000 degrees, millions of daddy long legs, and I am positively covered in mosquito bites. But I made it and the hubby had a good time so all is well.
Work has been insane. We had an associate leave the company and all of her shit was plopped in my lap. I mean, she left the company because she was dealing with bullshit accounts whom never hire; why the fuck would I be happy about this? Oh well...just last summer repeating itself, when I took over all of my colleagues accounts while she was on maternity leave and when she came back, I had nothing. They'll probably hire some fuck up to take these accounts after I tidy them up. I am foul today, probably because I itch and over the weekend was just criticized relentlessly for being a Libertarian ("I don't buy any of that Libertarian bullshit.") Are you fucking kidding me? What bullshit?? It's the fucking Constitution, that's IT. So I spent the weekend physically and mentally uncomfortable.
My father-in-law had a mild heart attack over the weekend. Call it what you want, but I call it two things: A big fucking deal and a serious wake up call. I have got to get the man in shape because 1. his dad just had a heart attack and 2. his OTHER set of genes is equally unhealthy. No fucking way we're having a baby just to have him keel over at 30.

This makes me really happy.

Because we should love everyone and value the services they provide for our country. "Gay people"? Fuck that noise. They are people who just happen to be gay. And I happen to have blond hair. And Seamus happens to be covered in hair. Happy Father's Day - one love for everyone!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

British army to allow uniforms at gay pride march

17 hours ago

LONDON (AP) — Britain's military says soldiers and airmen will be allowed to wear their uniforms to this year's gay pride march in London.

The military said Saturday it would permit British Army and Royal Air Force personnel to show off their military affiliation in the July 5 parade.

The decision brings the forces in line with the Royal Navy, which already allows sailors to participate in uniform.

Britain began allowing gay men and women to serve openly in the military in 2000. While military personnel have been able to participate in the pride march since then, soldiers and airmen have done so in civilian clothes.

Gay rights groups welcomed the decision.

fuck, fuck, mother, mother, fuck fuck

noitch noitch noitch.

i'm sure i'll be adding to this later.

TBOTE

In my head all day...I <3 Trent Reznor.

Down on your knees
You'll be left behind
This is the beginning
Watch what you think
They can read your mind
This is the beginning
I got my mark, see it in my eyes
This is the beginning
Well my reflection I don't recognize
This is the beginning
We think we've climbed so high
Up all the backs we've condemned
We face no consequence
This is the beginning of the end
You wait your turn
You'll be last in line
This is the beginning
Get out the way
Cause I'm getting mine
This is the beginning
There are some ones that can help themselves
This is the beginning
May be too late as far as I can tell
This is the beginning
We think we've come so far
On all our lies we depend
We see no consequence
This is the beginning of the end.

Mothereffing Monday!

It's about 100 degrees in Philadelphia and due to my superior intelligence, I decided to go for a run. I came back this morning and was on the floor stretching and Seamus thought he would be helpful and lick my face clean. He's such a good boy. I forgot what running in the severe heat felt like - I stopped going to the gym and started running outside again. After a year of paying for the gym, all I got was less reflection time (earphones and watching TV while running), less of a workout (driving to and from the gym eats up serious time, was having very short workouts), and less physical health. Back to basics bitches: I'm going to run outside. And sure enough, two weeks after I started, my favorite pair of jeans fit again after six months. I'm a idiot. Even moreso than when I fell LAST Monday while running and ripped open my knee (which is now scabbed over yet still oozing a mysterious substance). Moving along...
My Mom and John came up for a visit from North Carolina this weekend and everyone went to bed, I decided to drunk text my phone book. Nothing harmful, just pitiful. I spent all of Saturday trying to surreptitiously apologize/explain to my friends that I am just a retard who had too much wine. Some of the responses I got back were interesting though - some friends thought I was distressed (which in hindsight, I was), some thought I was being cute, some were confused...some didn't even know who I was, which was probably more insightful than I wanted.
Sunday, my Mom and Johnny left very early, and since it was 100 degrees out, JR and I ended up waking up at 10:00 a.m. (soooo late for me, I am a sixamer), staring at each other wondering what the eff to do for the day. We decided on lunch and a matinee of Iron Man, which ended up being a pretty good movie. I kind of wanted to see Kung Fu Panda...but he had his hot heart (check out that alliteration) set on Iron Man and after some reflection, did I really want to pay to see a panda do Kung Fu? After further reflection I decided that "fuck yeah, I want to see a panda do Kung Fu" but that can wait until it is available on Netflix.
Anywho...

Cannot Believe It!

I actually placed a candidate with a breast implant company that I have been attempting to staff for for the longest time. I am so happy, especially because the candidate is ecstactic!

Work has been pretty crazy hectic, moreso recovering from my vacation than volume. Well, volume from not being here...

Memorial Day weekend was very fun! We saw the Indiana Jones movie which was a great action/family flick. We caught a matinee on Saturday and everyone in the theatre was on their best behavior (I sincerely hate going to the movies because there are always disrespectful fools there and I feel like an idiot for spending $10.00 on a damn ticket). We cooked a great dinner and hung out. I'm listening to Disturbed. One of my favorite songs by them is "Enemy." Really good.

Sunday we had guests - JR's mother and stepdad, his grandparents, and my dad. It was a really nice time - burgers, beer, etc. It is exhausting hosting, though (preparation, cooking, etc.). Seamus was on his best behavior. Monday was spent drinking margaritas in the afternoon and eating steak! Unfortunately I then had to balance our budget and that was depressing. I am torn. Do I look for a new job up here? Do I focus just on Wilmington, NC? I have no effing clue, but all I know is that money is way too tight and that fucking sucks. Especially when you bill an eff load of money for your company.

North Carolina was really nice, but too quick. I hung out with my stepsister one night and killed a bottle of Captain Morgan's with her. It was really fun (and hysterical) because I never really get to see her or spend time with her. I barely saw my sister because she is preparing for her marathon. My Mom starts her new job June 2nd so that is exciting.

Tonight is a Phillies game, which will be fun; it is a gorgeous day in Philadelphia. We'll pre-game and BBQ in the parking lot, then go into the park. I think I'm hungry.

Vacation starts NOW!

Goooood morning world!
Yesterday was so rainy and shitty in Philly that I was going to hurl, I went and got my nails did and they look effing awesome.
Last night was totally date night and it was fantastic. I came home and was feeling gross (had dressed like a bum to work because of the weather), so I took a quick shower and mustered up the courage to put on this great pink shirt from Ann Taylor that was way too tight a few months ago. It fit! It looked awesome! :-D
We went to this western bar called Prospector's - I think I have mentioned that I loathe the wild wild west and cowboys and shit, and if I haven't, I am mentioning it NOW. However, this is one place that is on the approved list, because even though you can't get anything to eat under 8.99 (which irritates me because what if I just wanted some soup and salad? They hit you for 10 motherfucking dollars which I think is insane). Their salad bar is awesome, not THAT awesome though. Moving along...they told us the wait would be 25 minutes so we saunter over the bar, get some beer and are immediately called by the hostess. Overall, great meal, and JR got pulled pork and onion rings so I think he was pleased. Seamus was pleased too, because he got my turkey burger (which also had bacon on it!) :-)~
On our way home, we got onto the topic of having a cocktail, and we ended up at Kitchen 233 (surprise surprise, we both knew we would end up there) and hung out there. They opened up the back patio and I had never been back there; quite lovely! Candles and comfortable seats...got the fabulous Blue Martini to start (Three Olives vodka and house-made bleu cheese stuffed huge effing olives), then had a glass of the Rioja, a Spanish red which was described to me as very dry, but it wasn't; quite delicious all the same...I could taste plum in it...actually it was a great glass of wine for $8.00!
Came home...was feeling tipsy...got laid! All in all, a great night.
Today we are having breakfast with mah daddy, dinner with JR's daddy and step mom, and tomorrow is Stone Temple Pilots!!! Cannot wait. Then, off to Wilmington, NC for four days to see mah mommy!! I rented a car...fuck that noise about being stranded with one car at their house!

Everything after

So I went up to North Jersey for a wedding this weekend and was actually on very good behavior. I had a nice time excluding the actual length of the reception - the cocktail hour started at 6:30 p.m. and we didn't leave the location until after 1:00 a.m. due to the transports back to the hotel being all messed up. I primarily just drank wine and Bacardi with TONS of water (really makes the difference!) and stuck to the seafood, meat, and salad. I felt great, danced, hopefully looked pretty nice...JR looked very handsome in his new suit.
After the wedding, we drank some more in the hotel (more Bacardi and diet for me) and by 2:30 a.m. I had to bail on the after party (really nice time with my sister-in-law and her boyfriend and my step-brother-in-law and his girlfriend). I was exhausted and knew the next day (Mother's Day) was going to be taxing.
Woke up the next morning, ate some greasy eggs and bacon (freaking awesome) and drove home. Had many cries over not seeing my Mom...so brutal being away from her and my sister. We stopped at my Dad's to see him on the way home to pick up Seamus so that helped. He's such a great Dad and tried to make me feel better, which was so sweet.
Stopped off at JR's Dad's to get Seamus and to wish his Stepmom a Happy Mother's Day.

Man...Mother's Day sucked.

Anyway...work has been not fun and that coupled with missing my Mom and sister has reignited the fire under my ass to get down to North Carolina. I feel really strung along and I truly do not see a future for me here. Which sucks. Because I work my tail off to be productive only to receive NO perks for working here because the company isn't at quota. Sorry folks...people really do work harder when they look forward to going work...not dread it. Ugh.


JR was nice and loving last night; it was really cool. Before we fell asleep he asked me if I needed anything. He hasn't done that in years. I have been sad lately.

Meh...

Moving along, JR had to work this evening (7:00 p.m. - 12:00 P.M. <---that's right...it was an overnighter). I came home, went to the gym, went food shopping, went tanning, came home and gave Seamus the new meat-basted bone I got him at Wegman's...it was a very uneventful evening, but that is alright. I went to bed at like 11:00 p.m. and slept straight through which was glorious - I don't think I moved.

Today is Friday, and for that I am truly grateful. Work will be very busy, so I know the time will fly. I may be meeting a friend for Happy Hour, but honestly, I want to come home and do laundry and pack for the wedding and get to bed at a reasonable hour. Also, I kind of wanted to go to dinner with JR this evening to relax before the craziness of this weekend. I'm going to get his read on it.

It is DISGUSTING in Philly - there are serious downpours and thunderstorms, and I feel so sad because a police officer was murdered and today is his funeral. It is like God is furious and crying.

It's 12:00 p.m. Do you know where your blog is?

So, I threw JR a birthday party and it was LOADS of fun. I got very drunk, (surprised?), but I honestly didn't drink THAT much. It was the game of beer pong that did it...and I never see it coming. The house looks great and we are taking two weeks off to enjoy it and each other. This weekend I am getting a massage and a haircut. And I return to the gym tomorrow (that will hurt. very much). I have been intending on going, but I have been exhausted, but tomorrow is it! I am laying the smack down on myself!

Why the fuck...

...would I want to mobile blog? I mean, I know we are in a highly technological age, but that is ridiculous. I know the world is comprised of people that no longer want to have verbal interaction with others, thus the incessant need to text back and forth all day long...but if I cannot even converse with myself in a state of collection, then where on earth will I be?


P.S. It is really shitty out.

huzzah!

generic Zelnorm has arrived! i am so fucking excited!! $90.00 later, i am going to start feeling better!!!