Thursday, February 26, 2009

www.fmylife.com - My New Obsession

www.fmylife.com
NSFW, but fucking hilarious. Unless of course, you work where I do, and anything goes.

When I grow up, I want to be an FML contributor. Until then, I will enjoy other people's misery. This is my pick of the day:
Today, I had the cops called on me because I accidently texted "I'm going to kill you and use your head as hood ornament" to my ex-fiance, instead of my best friend. I only texted that because he got a better grade on an exam than me. Now I have a court date. FML

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Dry Air

I am so fucking hungry and it is unbelievably dry in my office so my eyes are bothering me and my throat is scratchy.
I DEFINITELY have to get my nails painted today because while making pesto last night (which I thought was going to come out waaaaaay too strong but ended up being quite tasty indeed despite the exorbitant amount of garlic I put in) I chopped down on my left thumb nail, causing the paint to chip off. Not a huge deal if I was wearing a light color, however I am wearing a dark blue sapphire color so it is glaringly obvious.
Today is the husband's birthday! I booked him a 90-minute Swedish massage in a few weeks (if I gave him the gift certificate, he'd never go) at 11:00 a.m., then I'll pick him up and take him to lunch, then later on that night we'll go into the city and watch the Pro-Lacrosse team that plays here. The games are so fun, and he has never been!
Tonight we're going to dinner, and on Saturday, we're heading up to Triumph Brewery because he is such a homebrewer and since I've already taken him to Lambertville, he may enjoy this. We're getting up there early evening for some pints before his parents join us, then dinner. On Sunday we're going over to his other set of parents' house for another birthday dinner. I'm glad people are making a big deal about him - he always gets thought of last, but heaven help us all if he forgets to send a CARD for his aunt's wedding anniversary or something like that...no wait...I catch shit...he just gets guilt trips.
Anywho, he's a wonderful man, and he deserves a great day! Off to my Lean Cuisine before I come through the computer screen and eat you.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Handicapped Parking Spots

You probably aren't going to like me after you read this. But that's okay. Because I think it might be important for this to be said, and I will take the fall for it. If you have read my post on crossing guards, life guards, etc., you really should have seen this coming.

Where I park my car everyday, at the high speed rail line to come into the city, there was always a considerable amount of parking spaces for handicapped people, yet of the hmmm...20 - 25 spots, probably a little less then half were occupied. Around Christmas time, or the holiday season, whatever, fuck you, they chose to repave the entire parking lot, which was great, because there was a tremendous amount of pot holes and other broken asphalt everywhere.

Now, in the same close parking lot where the handicapped spots were, there were about 10 metered spots. Meaning that people who will willing to pay $1.25 versus those willing to pay $1.00 more were able to walk about 200 feet right into the station whereas I paid only $1.00 and had to walk about 225 feet. The unlucky truth about the metered spots is they are highly HIGHLY watched by the Delaware River Port Authority parking cops (I don't know why they exist either, but sometimes they bring a Labrador to the station and all is forgiven). If you park in this spot and get tied up at work and are running, oh, 30 minutes late and your time expires, you get hit with a $30.00 ticket! If you park in the $1.00 spots, you probably could leave your car there for a few days before someone comes looking for a dead body.

Anywho, to prevent these $30.00 tickets, people would pay for much more than 10 hours worth of parking ($0.25 for every two hours = $1.25) and the parking authority was really getting away with people pay up to $2.00 a day to park. Smart scheme, am I correct? I, too, have fell victim of throwing all of my change in there on a day where I am running late in an effort to cut off about 35 seconds of walking time to catch a train.

For about two weeks after they paved the lot, where all of the parking meters were, there were just metal poles. You could now park in a premium spot for free! I totally did it, and felt superior when I strutted to my car and all of the other commuters watched slackjawed as I slid right in and took off, while they walked to their $1.00 spots or WORSE. The free, spooky far away spots.

Then one day, the metal poles were replaced with MORE handicapped signs. Now there are only five metered spots, and the handicapped spots remain as empty as ever.

While this was a very long winded build to my point, I am frustrated with the parking authorities lack of business acumen. Clearly we will never have enough handicapped people at our station to necessitate that many spots and they chose to LOSE money to accomodate these invisible disabled people. Our trains are from about 1962 and frequently break down on the Ben Franklin Bridge. Fox29 choppers and everything.

The last point I will make on this subject is this: I don't believe that all of the people with the removable handicapped tags are, in fact, handicapped. I (will totally own this as wrong) had a friend in high school whose father was handicapped and could never leave the house. He absolutely deserved his handicapped tag but since he wasn't going anywhere, we'd hop in her Ford Taurus and role into every HC spot available. Even at Windmill. At 2:30 a.m. to get french fries. The only reason I feel no remorse is that we were 16 and I have grown up. But I will admit that I was a completely, self-absorbed, selfish 16 year old (and 15, and 14, and 13, and so on and so forth).

Some mornings, I will be walking from my $1.00 parking spot (you cross through the handicapped lot to get in to the station - there simply isn't a way around it) and I will observe the cars. Some beautifully maintained BMWs, haggard 1987 Honda Accords, and Expeditions with ski racks on top...
Wait. Why the FUCK do you have a ski rack? Why is there a SINGLE pair skis in your backseat? Why the fuck do they look like they are YOURS??? Okay...calming down.

And sometimes, I walk through the parking lot in my 3 1/2 inch stilettos at 7:30 a.m., I hear tires squeal, and someone who is clearly smarter then I, slams his handicapped tag up on his rearview mirror and goes running past me.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Oh BROTHER


Hi there,
Long time no talk. Our new bedroom set was delivered:










Lovely, isn't it? We chose not to get the armoire, but the media stand instead, which comes in a week or two so that I don't have to have the flat screen on the gorgeous dresser blocking our $500.00 mirror.

Work has been good - I have been exhausted and not feeling great so I am going to the doctor on Friday, the 13th (mooowahahhahhaa). I positively despise going out to eat on Valentine's Day due to the fact that most restaurants have a *special* menu and it typically blows. So, instead, I suggested we go to dinner on Friday, the 13th. There is a restaurant I have been wanting to go to for quite some time and I was able to get us a 9:00 p.m. reservation - figured we'd do cocktails at a restaurant down the street beforehand, considering it is a BYO.

On the 14th, we're having an estimator come in for new carpeting in the den. We have this ATROCIOUS blue stained carpet in there, so I will be glad to see it go. It will be cold and rainy, so JR had the idea of cooking for each other and staying in, which I think is a great idea.

Anywhooooo back to work I go. Had an awesome lunch consisting on mussels and Sauvignon Blanc. I am so happy!